For me, 2010 was far and away better than 2009 but I'm still glad it's over. Here's to 2011 being better still, for all of us.

Q: How is WVU like marijuana? A: They both get smoked in bowls!!!

there's an alarmingly awesome number of crows/ravens in the sky right now

Wow, this is the 1st time in months that, going into the week after payday, I have more than $20 in my pocket.

Dear blogspot, your picture posting capabilities are utter shit.

Aw, RIP Teena Marie. http://ping.fm/cWPzx

Okay Xmas is over, snow can go away now.

just woke up from a long winter's nap. Happy Solstwanzkamas errbody :)

shopping, cleaning, decorating, baking, wrapping, delivering: this past week I've been a holly jolly machine!

now: groceries. later: baking goodies. also later: wrapping said goodies and other presents!

My mom keeps making decaf coffee. I think she's trying to kill me.

As much crap as my car puts me through it's been doing really well in this weather. Now I bet the electrical will all short out tomorrow.

Closed up early tonight. The roads aren't good but they aren't undrivable if you're careful. In Xmas news my shopping is DONE!

After that last post a bunch of people came in the store so let's see if it works again. GAH! I'm so freakin' bored.

Aw man, not even 5:30 and I've had to resort to solitaire already.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
— Aristotle

tummy feels gross today, glad I'm not working. which flannel sleepy pants will make me feel better: star wars, JLA, or retro robots? putting interent radio on xmas music and going back to bed for a bit.

Huh, I can't very well decorate the tree without damn ornament hangers.

2nd batch of nuts & bolts is done, tree is up and lit, deck is maybe halfway together

Busy busy lazy

So much to do today - make more holiday treats, do the decorating I keep putting off, build an indestructible artifact deck for M:TG. I have two of those underway, but I won't say which two. I guess at this point it goes without saying :P

I can't even think of a snarky title for this latest bullshit

I sent a few local friends this, pretty much verbatim, on FB so if you're one of those you can skip this 'cause there's no new info. This is just a re-hashing for the few far-away pals who bother to pay attention to my rantings and dramas.

Here's a quick run down of the sitch:
My sister Lisa, and nieces, moved out to Pine Knoll Apartments there in Loch Gelly (or however it's spelled now) a few months ago. (For non-locals that's one of the HUD apartment complexes right outside of town) The nieces' boyfriends moved in with them. My oldest niece, Laci Jo, just turned 18 in October. Her boyfriend is 25. He's got serious anger issues, spent 2 years in prison for beating his ex-wife. Oh, and he's a black belt in something. He's already been psychologically abusing Laci. Yesterday he made her kiss his feet and call him her king. Consenting adults is one thing but this definitely wasn't some sort of weird foot fetish thing. Couple days ago he also tried to get my youngest niece, Julia, to go next door and score some pills for him 'cause he's broke and out of drugs.

Last night (Tuesday) he came out of Laci's ("his") bedroom and saw Lisa standing there in the hallway. He accused her of eaves dropping and cussed her up and down, she cussed back etc. Knowing my sister she very well could have been eaves dropping but she could just as likely been standing there staring off into space 'cause she was stoned. Anyways, first thing this morning they got into it again. He threatened to have his mom or his sister beat up Lisa, he was gonna get her fired, get her kicked out of Pine Knoll, and have somebody waiting to jump her one night when she's walking home from work. Somehow I managed to get threatened in all that too.

She told him to get his ass gone and Laci went with him, because, of course, nobody understands him, he's not like that when they're alone together. The usual. Before all that went down Laci and Ashten (even his name is douchey) were supposed to come down to mom & dad's yesterday and dad was gonna loan them some money to get insurance for the car Ashten's grandpa just gave him. Once dad got wind of this the deal was naturally off so now he's pissed at mom & dad.

We had a brief window of being able to get Laci away from him. She finally called mom and wanted to come and spend the night here for a few days. Of her own choice. But mom... her heart is always in the right place but she totally botched it. She kept trying to reason with Laci over the phone instead of getting her here and then talking to her. Laci finally got pissed, over the money thing, and said she'd just have to choose him over family and hung up.

**This next stuff is where I ask my local galpals for advice, but anybody is welcome to chime in.**

Sorry, that was longer than I expected. Anyways, I'm asking you ladies for help on a couple of things - primarily information.

Does anybody know anywhere around here to buy some mace or pepper spray? Is mace or whatever even legal in WV? The threats are probably just so much bluster but this one actually has a history of violence so better safe than sorry. If nothing else it will make my mom worry less knowing Lisa has some way to protect herself when she walks to work, or Julia, when she's home alone.

Is anybody good friends with cops or prosecuting attorneys? Since Laci is 18 there's no way we can force her to get away from him - not that that ever works - but there has to be some angle that we can use o get that ass out of the picture. My sister said she called and talked to somebody but since Laci is 18 there wasn't anything to be done. Lisa has some legal problems so she probably didn't want anybody officially looking at her situation but there's not gonna be a way around it. And Ashten really could get her evicted if he went and blabbed to her landlord about the partying that goes on with them. I'm constantly surprised that Lisa keeps finding corners to paint herself into. This whole situation is squarely her fault.

I'm really super sorry to drop this flaming bagful of drama on your doorstep, especially during the holidays, but I thought you all might be my best option for helpful advice. After all, you were teenage girls not too long ago yourselves. What like five years or so, if that? Any ideas at all will be greatly appreciated.

If all I manage to get through this month with is a bleeding ulcer it'll be an Xmas miracle.

Xmas shopping is 85% achieved. Thankfully I still have one more payday coming before the big day. Now I just gotta decorate the tree.

xmas shopping at target. ain't been this excited in ages!

Hello payday, let's go Xmas shopping.

Dammit I can't get warm to day. >:(

Closed the store early and made it home safely. The roads are really bad so if you have to be out tonight be extra careful.

The roads are starting to get slick and nasty around here so e'rybody be careful.

No, I DON'T know that one song that goes like dum dum duduh that's on the radio that the guy sings.

I feel gross. Nobody give me any more cigarettes. If you see me with one smack it out of my mouth. I'm for serious.

I should get drunk more often. My hair looks amazing today!

Oh shite. Who's not sober raise your hand. i can't even do that. Fuck you.

h'oh dang, it's been a looong time since i've been this loaded before midnight

don't wanna be awake right now, definitely don't wanna be outside right now

Criminy, it's only 6pm. Feels like I've been here for 12 hours.

Guess who's hair is particularly awesome today. Go on, guess.

I'm about to get bah humbug all over some bitches if they don't stop tearing my tinsel down.

Hooray, 1st batch of holiday treats has been divvied up and delivered. Yay me!

This evening was accomplishful.

NOOOO! No! All sorts of no! Dammit. RIP Leslie Nielsen. :( http://ping.fm/RXaad

You really should come and compliment me on my Retail Xmas Decorating skills. They're mad. Like I will be at you if you don't come over.

Thank you, urban myth about tryptophan levels in turkey, I'm going to bed before midnight for a change.

must...not...doze...off...

Reasons why I'm thankful

1) My parents who've always worked so hard to provide me and my sister and nieces with all the things they never had growing up. And more importantly, the things they did have - a loving, supportive, frequently aggravating, house full of great memories and a pretty nice life overall.

2) I'm relatively healthy, physically, mentally, and emotionally. So are most of my family and friends. The ones who aren't could be a lot worse off.

3) I have a cool job I actually like.

4) My hair is awesome. Pretty much all of me is.

5) Even though my ego my be over blown some of my arrogance isn't entirely unfounded. "Some" = most.

6) I'm able to waste money on self-indulgent stuff like comics, toys, beer, D&D dice and Magic cards, tikis, matching socks and underwear, over-priced coffee drinks, CDs, Wii games, bass strings, candy bars, DVDs, and pretty much everything else I buy.

7) Free internet porn.

8) A great bunch of friends - near and far - who put up with most of my nonsense and like doing the stuff in Item 6 with me. And 7. You know who you are.

9) Not living any closer to the Arctic Circle than I currently do. Or somewhere warm but awful.

10) My hair is super fantastic.

11) Being on speaking terms with most of my relatives and friends.

12) My brain. More specifically the few smarts I've managed to hold onto, and the other few I've managed to develop over the years. My IQ may not be the highest but it could be a lot worse. And my sense of humor, of course. You all should be equally, if not more, thankful for that one. Like it should definitely be in your top five thankful.

13) Did I mention my hair?

Ho Ho Ho! Decking the halls at work.

Duh. Just realized the NYC skyline on the cover of Supertramp's Breakfast In America is made out of tableware and such.

GAH! Do I keep tweaking my White/Red Magic deck or do I make two whole new, single color decks? So conflicted!

Dammit! Had to take my eyebrow ring out.

*sigh* When I say your CD or game is un-fixable I mean it. Saving your time and money IS me being polite.

Even in desperate need of shampooing my hair is nigh incredible. Fact.

Still haven't read the books but as far as movies go HP&tDH was really good. Man do I hate Delores Umbridge!

The new Red Riding Hood movie, would they be silly enough to make Red be the werewolf? Hollywood being fond of flimsy twists and all.

I don't have any purple underwear. This must be remedied.

deathly hallows ticket = purchased

*sigh* now I'm having to grill steaks. I just wanna put on my flannel sleepy pants, watch Walking Dead, then go to sleep :(

all i wanted was some sesame stix, store didn't have any. today sucks

Sore throat, runny nose, fever, greasy hair, dead car battery - how could you let this happen to me?

Last night/today was great with friends and food, Wii, walking around and then some bowling. Downside: I'm feeling kinda flu-y now.

What the hell old dude?!? You don't just walk into the back room without asking no matter how bad you have to piss.

Spartacus Blood & Sand Season 1 - do I need it in my life?

I love finding surprise candy in the bottom of my book bag! It's almost better than money.

I am NOT in favor of retconning Peppermint Patty and Woodstock into Peanuts Xmas decor. They weren't there when the tree stood up!

Yay for veterans, boo (mostly) for war!

I'm so excited to finally be taking my Wii home after weeks of waiting that I might actually wee.

Why do people insist on parking right in front of our door when there's a whole big, empty parking lot to chose from?

Got my car back (again), got a black Wii, got a duffle bag full of ammo; the past two days have been productive.

shoot me now

Criminy, my head is killing me and it's not sinuses for a change. There will be neither rock nor roll in Cheap Thrills land this evening.

I'm in love! Okay, lust. Like there's a difference. Shut up!

Some movie just let out so I have a store full of people who better buy something and leave. Quickly.

Oh man, I've been at work 1 hour but it seems like 8. And I've had decent customers to talk to even. It's gonna be a long night.

brakes are fixed on the white truck now we get to start moving some of dad's antique car parts into the basement. the fun never stops

Oh joy, time to do truck repairs with dad.

Cannibal costume how-to

I've been kicking the idea for my costume around for a few years now. I always liked those silly get-ups where it looks like a dude is riding an ostrich and wanted to come up with a variation on that. I have a tee shirt with a picture of a cannibal dude in a mask stirring a boiling pot that says, "Cannibal Joe's Pot Luck: If you get out you're in luck." I thought it would be fun to do something along those lines but wasn't sure what exactly then the two ideas merged one sleepless night and voila!

I tried to find an actual plastic cauldron to wear instead of making one. A couple of years ago there were lots of them around in various sizes but this year all I could find were little ones on a par with jack-o-lanterns for trick or treating. I thought maybe I could find a flower pot that might work but they were either too bulky or too expensive. Then I remembered an art project from 1st grade. We took balloons and paper mache-ed them to use for making Easter baskets. Cheap and easy, I thought. I just had to find a balloon big enough to fit over my ridiculous gut. No such luck with the local party stores so I ordered a couple off the internet. Thankfully, my dad has a very well stocked garage and I was able to use the air compressor to inflate the balloon.



Next came the gooey part with the paper mache. I found many recipes online but I finally with the formula I remembered from 1st grade: tear newspapers into strips, soak them for a few seconds in a mixture of one parts flour per two parts water, then apply. My poor mother's lovely dinning room is a badly breaded mess now.



I ended up using like half a bag or flour and a week's worth of news papers, including two whole Sunday editions. I worked on it for four nights, putting on layer after layer until I just got too sticky to continue. Then it would be dry the next evening when I got home from work and I'd start over. You have to be careful and not let it dry too fast or the paper will split and you'll have to add many more layers to cover that. By the second night I was confident the plan was working and the paper was holding the shape of the balloon.



After it had completely dried it was time to pop the balloon and, if the paper didn't collapse, start cutting. Success! It was solid and thick enough not to tear.






I got really lucky with my first cut. It ended up being just wide enough to slip nicely over my belly. And the second cut was equally lucky. I eye-balled it to where fit snuggly around my waist and would stay put without the aid of suspenders. I wasn't too concerned with making the cuts even and level 'cause there would be other elements added on to obscure the edges. Then it was time to paint it. Outside, on a windy day, it got dry really fast.



Prior to the cutting and painting - while I was waiting for it to dry - I started on the skirt element that would hide my legs. I got a piece of white material for drawing the cannibals and another piece of floral print to use as a background for the areas I was going to cut out of the white sheet. And then I had a grass skirt to attach around my knees so that it would look like my legs belonged to the pygmies.









My pal Brad was a real trooper and helped me do the drawing and coloring. Instead of buying a bunch of expensive fabric paint I went with Sharpies. Brad also supplied me with a piece of pipe insulation to use for the rim of the cauldron. Then in between the pygmies I just drew a bunch of jungly looking leaves. After it was all colored and cut out I attached it to the cauldron with hot glue. I just used safety pins to stick the background fabric on the lower half of my shirt so it would just hang down loosely. Everything else was just accessorizing. I got the pith helmet from Amazon, the shirt was three bucks from discount store and dyed it to match the helmet. I could have gone with two grass skirts instead of one, though. I also had a monocle but it was a bother so I just left it in my pocket.



Overall it held up really well throughout the evening. It did end up splitting along the bottom a bit from all the times I had to take it off and on. I could sit on the edge of a chair with it on but not in a car. Also I erred on the side of caution with the white material and ended up having too much. We drew one too many pygmies on it. We drew four on it but three was the perfect fit so two of them over-lapped and it looked a bit weird from the back.

So now you know how to make one if you want to be awesome next Halloween.

Dinner to go

Alrighty, here's my outfit of awesomeness. It was a big hit everywhere I went last night. Rather, it was a hit with the people I didn't have spend ten minutes explaining it to. Most people got thankfully. I took pics of the various stages of construction but I'll post that later when I'm not at work.






Happy Halloween!!!

"You believe in the goodness of mankind," the fortune cookie says. It's no fun when they obviously aren't even trying.

All the sleuthing dogs in the world can't help you!

Jeezy Creezy, holidays are exhausting! Been working all night on Halloween costumes with my buddy Brad. Who knew making a post-apocalyptic hand-held Gatling gun would be such a chore? As for mine, I'm gonna be cutting it close but I really think my ensemble will be outstanding. Here's your next clue.

You won't figure out Ben's Clues,

You won't figure out Ben's Clues,

You won't figure out Ben's Clues,

Because I'm deliberately vague!

And also I'm very smart and I've been planning this for a long time.

I love watching clouds move fast on a windy day. like a vast armada off to conquer distant shores

*sigh* microwave kettle corn is never as good as you get from the fair grounds

Some balls are held for charity and some for fancy dress

Actually it's a balloon. Also, it's a sneak peak of a major component of my Halloween costume. Any guesses?

Two posts in one day? Fancy that!

Die young(ish) and leave a good looking corpse

So last night was the Zombie Prom at a local bar here in Oak Hell. Back in the summer the same place, Rafters, had the cool tiki party. The turn out for the Tiki party was decent so we all had high hopes for the Zombie Prom. Then again, the fact that most people showed up to the tiki party without so much as a lei on, just in regular clothes, should have served to keep said hopes from getting too high. Most people around here don't know what a tiki is but Halloween is always a big to-do.

Here's a pic of me getting ready. Brad and Jessica's mom, Diana, did an amazing job getting me made up. Click the pic to go see more pics.

Aside from myself and my buddies Brad, Joe, and Jessica the only other zombie in the place was the bartender. Lame. A few gals had on regular Halloween costumes but as with the tiki party the vast majority were in street clothes. Our friend Karen had on an especially cute candy corn witch ensemble. There was one guy dressed up as a zombie hunter so that was a nice touch. There was a costume judging contest but it was based on crowd approval so naturally the chick in the full-body cat suit and the guy in the white tee shirt that he wrote on himself with a Sharpie to say Zombie Prom 2010 were crowned prom king and queen. I was robbed! Where's Carrie when you need her?

Overall though, it was a fun evening. The best parts were when we stopped at various convenience stores on our way to and from the bar. Everybody who saw us got a big kick out it. What i really should have gotten pics of was the shower when I got through cleaning up. All the fake blood and bits or gore splattered all over made it look like somebody really had been brutally murdered in there. The bulk of it washed away but I need to go clean it again. I still need to find something to get this fingernail polish off, though. Mom says theres some remover here somewhere but I'll prolly just go down to the garage and use some of dad's acetone.

Oh, and the gal I asked to be my zombie date was a bust. After saying yes and acting really enthused she never returned any of my texts and didn't show up (she had to work so she said she was gonna come by after she got done). Her loss. I still count it as a win 'cause I actually got up the nerve to ask instead of doing my usual grumpy coward routine.

Now I have to get started on my super cool, super secret costume for Halloween night, or rather the 30th 'cause that's when Trick or Treat is happening locally. I'm gonna go hang with my zombie compatriots 'cause their family does a big thing every year. Then when that's over there are other parties to go to. And then on actual Halloween night is the premier of The Walking Dead. I'm stoked! Here's a fun clip to get you in the mood.

The Walking Dead Trailer | SpikeTV | SPIKE.com

hello, clear autumn night sky, your full moon is lovely

had the DJ play Pitbull "Get Freaky" for M-Rod

i look great as a zombie!

Eating dinner then heading to Fayetteville to get undeadified for the Zombie Prom tonight.

They've been in here for at least 30 mins looking at CDs and movies. Now they've discovered the used cassettes. I'm turning the lights out.

Crap, the parking lot is jammed packed. Is some shitty movie opening tonight?

Holy shit! I just asked out a really cool chick and she said yes!! I love being AWESOME!!!

just put my car in the shop. again.

Saw Red, it was okay. Plenty of explosions and funny bits, good cast.

super excited! having real sushi at Kimono Kin with Seletyn then off to a movie

Nice! Found a jar of Amish frog jam in the fridge. Opted for that instead of apple butter. Talk about Sophie's Choice...

Dammit!

A charming young lady was just in the store wearing a t-shirt that said, on the back, "I may not be miss right but I'll milk you dry until she comes along." And it was accented with rebel flags, naturally. That, in and of itself, didn't really bother me. There's an over abundance of shirts like that for guys so I'm all for the ladies having all opportunities be equal, even the sleazy, tacky ones. And this is being worn by a gal who could have made two of me, with meth tats all over her neck. Just to flesh out the image for you. Yes, I went there.

But on the front of her shirt was a smaller logo but I couldn't tell exactly for who or what. I'm pretty sure it was the Dixie Chicks, but I didn't want her thinking I was checking out her tits. It was Dixie Something at any rate. So I did a Google image search for "dixie chicks I may not be miss right t shirt" and got nada. I shortened it to "dixie chicks t shirt" and got porn, straight and gay. There were plenty of pix of the the actual Dixie Chicks scattered around, and true, by now a search for anything will get you porn, but still. What? Why? Now the next time I think about a blow job I'm gonna have that fat chick in my head.

And don't even try to pull the, 'you're fat too," line. I may be over weight but I carry it well as opposed to being morbidly obese. So just you shut up!

Bobby Goldsboro! AAH no! But also yes! "Summer (The First Time)" is maybe the 1st ode to a cougar to break the Top 40, and it was bubblegum!

Oopsie, went off and left my phone at home. Oh well. Today's retail adventure starts off with one of those Best Of funk compilations.

Alight, I beat KotOR. Now what?

so parched, need live-giving chai. an iced one, venti. thanks. how long until you get here?

Finally made it to Angaan, the Indian place in Beckley, for lunch. Mango lassi and tandori ftw!

The whole thunder and lightning thing this evening has been kinda weird. I like it, but it's still kinda weird.

toasty ghosty at Macado's!

holy shit, the band at Class 6 wing night just opened with Satellite Of Love. nice

I overwhelmed too many zombie dreams so you switched to dinosaurs? Nicely done, Brain That Hates Me.

Today is 10-10-10 and that's pretty rad, but XXX would be even radder.

Pith off!

A major component for my Halloween costume arrived in the mail today. Click the pic for a full view unobstructed by my page layout.

I've wanted a pith helmet for ages, and now I'm even more awesome than I was before! Once I obtain a fez I'll be strato-awesome.

Super NOT frustrating: Goldfrapp's Felt Mountain. Every track gives me chills.

Not frustrating: I'm now the proud owner of an awesome new pith helmet, British style.

Also frustrating: discovering I had set my alarm clock wrong after the power went out the other day. I've been a hour behind for days.

All my dreams were frustrating because I couldn't find the stuff I was looking for or get to the places I needed to go.

Just enough brake fluid left to make it home in one piece.

Awesome! Brakes went out on my way to work. And by awesome I mean fuck you, universe.

If I didn't have to poop I could get so much more done in a day.

Stoopid fish people from stoopid Manaan in stoopid KotOR making me stay up all night. I have to be awake in 7 hours dammit!

The hell, what's that bright shiny hot thing in the sky?

crap, think i'm getting a stye or however it's spelled

I think my car is haunted.

One nice thing about chilly weather is rediscovering cool clothes you forgot you had 'cause you haven't seen them in about six months.

Resident Evil 3D was all sorts of ridiculous but in a fun enough way.

1st bar = too blah, 2nd bar = too redneck, sitting with a pal on his porch = just right

There's one waiting for me to open, prolly wants to sell gold to buy pills. I shouldn't be cynical, might just want a present for her mom.

Mary B. you hot bitch, you make the AM a-okay!

warm toast with homemade apple butter on a cold morning is pretty groovy

If you call a business & the person says "Can you hold please?" & then you don't hear anything, that's not a cue to start a conversation.

Aww, RIP Tony Curtis.

Heh, bumper sticker at work: Every once in a while I have to stop my spiritual journey and just get righteously fucked up.

Well damn. RIP Greg Giraldo.

Blugh, I feel all spacey and doped up but not in a good way.

Shite, it's 6:30am. Stoopid KotOR.

Eesh, wolf spiders are effin' creepy!

*grumbles* Another $200 on car repairs.

I just realized something about KotOR: the Ebon Hawk isn't even remotely black.

*sigh*

Hooray rain, fuck you pollen!

You've been going over the same 2 rows for 90+ minutes. The magic fairies don't put the new stuff out until after midnight on a full moon.

Thank Satan we have Billie & Ella in stock but I'm really needing some Dino today.

Oh #Sade, your music is so soothing that I don't hardly mind at all that you can't spell your own name.

Well hello there, Clusterfuck. Usually I just call you Friday.

Dang it! With the exception of #Fringe I'm not at all ready for the new TV season.

why is there a horse in the bank drive thru?

why is the Pride of WV clogging up my exit ramp?

I really would like to be able to sleep late on my day off.

Hmmm, KotOR or porn, porn or KotOR?

So hungry. Hurry up Young Chow's delivery dude!

Hooray! I'm a danger to myself and others.

NOM! wing night at Class 6 with Michelle Seletyn Rodriguez. spicy wings = clear sinuses

Dammit, put it off as long as I could but I had to start using #tylenol allergy meds. Prepare for nose bleeds in 3...2...

Today's agenda: suffer, shower, laundry, take niece to walmart, suffer, plot mass destruction, video games, suffer. Maybe not in that order.

goddam, I smoked too many ciggies again

holy shit, is fucking Jesco here?

@ Rafters for the Kentucky Headhunters after-party (?) oh, is it glamorous

Gross. Just sold stuff to a jerk covered fingernails to neck in Nazi tattoos. Sure he had more I couldn't see. I feel dirty.

Eff to the Em to the Ell.

I like my cars same as I like my cats: fixed!

Thanks Satan, for the rain keeping the pollen down. Gonna have a snack then play KotOR until the Benedryl kicks in.

I don't feel good and I hate you.

Blugh, think I have a fever. Not the kind for which cowbells are prescribed.

Wild Rumpus at Chimney Corner with Lisa Gale, Michelle Seletyn Rodriguez, & Deb Carter Harding

I'm miserable. Woke up every 2 hours all parched and unable to breathe, all the sinus drainage made my throat sore. HATE this time of year.

When you're home by yourself, do you close the door when you go to the bathroom?

I got my fingers crossed you'll catch something baby, 'cause I just threw myself at you.

I've had 3 epiphanies! I know where my recent error occurred and I can fix it! Also, I'm, a shaman which means one day I'll be a god.

Got up early to take the car to a mechanic my dad swears by. Fingers crossed. Now I'm waiting for the Benedryl to knock me out for a nap.

Anybody want a FREE Alic In Chains bumper sticker? Yes, it's a typo.

I slick back my hair, you know the Devil's in there? So keep one eye open baby.

Dammit, I'm one lucky sonuvabitch.

George Bush, 17th Century right-wing philosophy, & fast zombies: a good (and long) essay http://tinyurl.com/2fxyjub

super fun wing night at Class VI with super fun Michelle Seletyn Rodrigvez and Lisa Gayle

Oh wow, I get two days off in a row! Dunno what to do first...

Goddam browsers, buy something and leave. I gotta poop!

My co-worker had to leave so now I get to work the in-store concert by myself. I hope the audience is well behaved. I have a baseball bat.

ditto for the pumpkin cheesecake

the plantain chicken wrap at Delightfully Yours is super tasty

It's so weird - I'm extremely sleepy and ready for bed but it isn't even 2am. That can't be right!

Think I'll open today with #Cardigans First Band On The Moon. Their cover of #Sabbath's #IronMan is amazing.

Who's the smart guy who stayed up until 4am playing video games when he knew he had to be awake a mere four hours later?

Drat! Why must I be hungry again?

Crappity dang, feels like I'm not entirely done with this round of kidney stone roulette.

Behold, the mind rending horror of Cock-thulhu!!!

Bored with your regular old didlos? Has human anatomy lost it's 'zzaz but beastiality still isn't legal in your state? Do you daydream about being raped to death? Well have we got something for you!

The Cthulhu, but they can't call it that for copyright reasons.

The Xenomporph, as in Alien movies.

And the zombie model.

I would own those, but not to use. I'd just have them sitting around randomly on a shelf, or stored in a fancy box so when I die and people find them they'd be all 0_o. Still, I bet the Cthulhu one would get you off like crazy. If you'd like to own one go here, then call me.

Miles Davis's "Bitches Brew" is an extremely effective redneck repellent.

Sinus headache woke me up at 9am, took a pill & laid back down. Next thing I knew it was 4:30pm. Good thing my life is empty & meaningless.

End of an era: got my last Census check in the mail today.

My "OWs" from last night were pre-emptive. I'm in the ER with a kidney stone attack.

I OW feel OW pretty OW

Goddam, I hate hate HATE trying to add pictures to a post on here. Anyways, guess what I did today.

The purple is just surgical ink she used to guide the needle. It should wash off in a few days. Oh sweet lordy it hurt a lot more than I recall. I got my earlobe pierced way back in 1987 but it finally grew over a year or so ago. I had my eyebrow done in 1999 but had to take it out for job search reasons when I moved back to WV from NC.

I never had the upper part of my ear done done, though. For some reason that piercing is called a helix. Hurt like hellix would be a better name but i knew that would be the case going in so I had it done first, then brow and lobe. The first time I got the eyebrow done it was over before I even knew what happened, only felt a little pressure. Not this time. They were actually kinda startling and took my breath away for a few seconds, but really they all only hurt badly for about a minute or so after the stabbings and insertions. Right now they're sore but not so much that it's a distraction. Unless I bump them with my glasses, then they get ouchy.

Going to bed should be interesting for a few weeks. I've gotten to where I can only fall asleep if I'm laying on one side or the other, not flat on my back. With new, tender piercings on both sides I might be in for some miserable dozing. Actually all of my dozings are kinda miserable but usually it's from some mental anguish or vague ennui. Alas...

At last, I have Ween's "The Pod" and "Pure Guava" on CD!!!

Rezan's chicken dip = teh nom!

Crab Rangoon, seaweed salad & BBQ chicken on a stick delivered for dinner. #lovemyjob

Not feeling the rock tonite so it's Ella singing Cole Porter songs. All y'all metal meth heads, thuggy g's and country bumpkins can eat it!

No?

For a good, long while now I've interpreted Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry" as "No Women? No Problem! Everything's gonna be great!" Lately it occurs to me that I may be off track by a few degrees. Now I don't enjoy it as much as I used to.

Heh, I just moved all the used Twilight DVDs to the comedy section.

At last, my car is repaired and drivable!

Good day: treated mom to lunch, bought comics and games, cashed payday, hung out, played game, hung out some more, beer with pals.

Hey LOCALS! Do NOT go to the Fayetteville #TacoBell drive thru late at night. They make glaciers look like a pod race.

Somebody needs to bring me a delicious snack.

At work listening to great music and reading comics. It's AWESOME! I mean awful, so so terrible. Pray for me.

I must be more down on myself than I thought

At some point this morning I had what should have been a really awesome dream but my damn subconscious wouldn't even let me have a fleeting moment of make believe joy. In the dream My Bloody Valentine and The Sugarcubes had reunited and were on tour. And not just reunited, but they also all formed a super group and played entirely new and amazing songs. The tour just happened to be coming to wherever I happened to be living and I was stoked. They were only playing small venues, in this instance a one room school house that had been turned into a hipster night club.

Naturally, tickets were very expensive and sold out quickly. I didn't get one. I wasn't massively upset though because I was still going to be able to hear the show by sitting on a hill beside the club that was public property. But nope, denied. Somehow the club had gotten permission to police the whole area and made us me leave. The dream morphed into something else unmemorable after that and I woke up.

How shitty is that? My own brain turns against me when I least expect it. I can sorta see how it would come up with the bit about me not being able to afford a ticket, since I'm usually poor, but you'd think that if my dream had me living in a place where a show like that could happen then maybe I might be able to actually enjoy it. I need to figure out which deep-seated neurosis was to blame. Was it a general sense of self-loathing, or maybe some sort of defeatist self pity trip, "nothing good ever happens to me, I get close but never get what I really want," or some sort of persecution complex? The best answer is probably "yes."

scored a copy of Todd Solondz "Happiness" Who's ready to be comedically traumatized?

How awesome is the record store where I work? I snagged a 2 DVD set of Andy Warhol's Blood for Dracula & Flesh for Frankenstein for $1!

the new Arcade Fire is tremendous

1st day on the new job went great. This is gonna be an awesome job!

Stupid burned tongue, everything tastes like agony. That's usually how I know it's Thursday. Now I"ll never know what day it is!

You now have the privilege of knowing the newest employee of Cheap Thrills Records. Bow down to me! Lower!!

OW dabbit! I burd the fug oudda by tung!

Ben's Busy Day

I got up at 7am to meet a pal for brunch and then we went for a hike. What the hell did you do? Probably not a damn thing.

We hiked along the railroad tracks in the New River Gorge then got to this place. Me and my pals in high school used to hang out here. It's not too far from uphill from the tracks, but this next one is. Same stream, just farther up.

Even farther up the side is a little are with a few pools and flat rocks, and this little fall in a shady grotto.

Here's a closer pic.

Saw some cool fungi.

And also this cool fun guy!

HA, stop groaning. That's one of the oldest puns around, you had to see it coming.

And the day isn't even over yet! I still have a D&D game in about an hour. That'll be a nice end to the day. Anywalky, I can already tell I'm gonna be sore tomorrow but it's totally worth it. Once I get my car fixed I'll be doing this a lot more.

*edit* Dammit, this layout crops out a good bit of the pics. I'll tinker with it later.

Poop is acheived! Thanks for being so terrible #McDonalds :)

Aw, RIP Daniel Schorr. #NPR

Always a bridesmaid, never a bowel movement

So today was weird. I ate something that made me extremely gassy but equally unable to expel said gas. I've felt like I was gonna explode all day. I haven't made any updates about my poop situations lately so you're welcome. The worst part of it was I was too miserable to eat but I was totally starving; hadn't eaten since like 1pm and that was just a bologna sammich (most likely the culprit). I finally went to the grocery store and got ingredients for the only thing that seemed appealing: bagel, cream cheese, cucumber and pastrami, with peach mango water to drink. I'm starting to feel a tad better so the food and the Gas X I've been eating like candy did the trick. And how weird is it that the one time I really, really need to poop I can't? I must be getting old.

As if to illustrate that point - 'cause there's no such thing as a coincidence - the music playing in the grocery store was the last thing I needed to hear. I've been in a borderline-ish mood lately, kinda antsy, kinda mopey, kinda staring down the barrel of a gun I pointed at myself (not in a suicide way, don't be so literal you dullard), so the last thing I needed to hear was this blast from my childhood

followed immediately by

If you aren't inclined to watch/listen then the lyrics are here and here, respectively. On a quick side note let me just say that I have a long and complicated relationship with Pink Floyd in general and Dark Side of the Moon in particular. I can't really explain it. It's vague and overwhelming and I keep it at arms length. It never doesn't hit me hard, even just a song fragment will put me into a weird, weird mood. Being in a weird mood already was less than an ideal circumstance to hear that song. Anyways, so lately I find myself playing another waiting game but I'm completely clueless as to what I'm waiting for. I think I'm waiting on me to do something counter productive. Like, how in dream you watch yourself do the wrong thing but can't stop yourself. Like yelling at the next victim in a horror movie. Maybe I'm reacting to the habit of bad decisions 'cause it seems like I'm due. Whatever it is it's off-putting.

Actually, I was kinda in the vicinity of an okay mood before I went shopping. I had been to see a friend of mine in a play and actually enjoyed it despite my misgivings over small town community theater productions. It was cute, my friend was great, my tummy let me sit through the whole thing. Then, despite my tummy forcing me to go to the store, I was kinda glad and thankful that I lived somewhere that allowed me the luxury of a midnight run to get comfort food. Stoopid introspection, always lurking around the corners and messing things up. Ah well, it could be worse and probably will be.

the play is really cute. Nichelle Seletyn Rodriguez makes a great trailer park harlot!

meh, I feel a mope coming on

Stoopid stoopid mail, stoopid stoopid census, stoopid stoopid government!

Every year I miss out on Comic-Con and every year in the future my body count rises.

Oh thank jeebus, #Psyche is back!

Suddenly feel like an ass but haven't done anything ass-y in a long time. Delayed reaction from years ago maybe? Gonna go to bed and pout.

Is everybody clear on the fact that I'm all sarcastic and shit so when I say what a great day it's gonna be
I really don't mean it, right?

Summer TV: #Eureka s4e1 = total yes! #Louie eps 1 & 2 = ditto. #Futurama = damn you comedycentral.com, post the eps already!

I bought some stuff

Aside from some comics and the awesome zombie game (see the post from a few nights ago) I've picked up a few other odds and ends over the last couple of days.

1) A Shiva Lingam stone:

I picked it up at Tamarack of all places for like $3.50 (same with No. 2). That pic isn't of mine but it looks remarkably similar. Clicky the pic-y for a brief description. Basically it's a god penis.

2) A tektite:

Mine most resembles the one on the middle. Clicky for learning. Basically it's a space penis.

3) Writing for Comics & Graphic Novels, revised edition with Peter David: He's one of the few comic writers who can make me laugh out loud and then make a jaw-dropping plot twist that I never saw coming.

4) The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell: I find her delightful and insightful. Her take on modern American problems seen through the filter of our Puritan roots should be hoot. It was on sale for four bucks!

5) Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special: It was on sale for five bucks!

And now I'm broke 'cause I looked at the calender wrong and thought I would be getting another payday next week but yesterday's tiny, $43 dollar check is my last one for a few weeks. Damn.

I'm either having a really weird case of gas or the start of a kidney stone. Too early tell.

Damn damn damn, stoopid job is making me go to Bolt.

Dr. Corpsley in the Parlour with...oh good heavens he used his teeth!

I picked up a new game today, a zombie tabletop deal. It seems super fun and easy, shouldn't take a lot of brains to play it. HA! See what I did there?

Who wants to play? Clicky the pic-y to learn more.

Wakey wakey, eggs and bac-y 'cept minus the eggs and bac-y. And one of the wakeys.

Actually got to give a cheezburger to a kitteh this evening.

Thermometer in the truck says 93 degrees, weather.com says 88. Either way, awesome!

Ugh, I think I might have a low-grade fever but it's hard to tell on a warm day in a house with no AC.

:( I don't wanna go to the grocery store.

Lame lame lamity lame. All these chilly nights are killing my sinuses and wearing me out. I'm just gonna watch Burn Notice and go to bed.

So close! One gooseberry bush left to pick but my fingers can't take any more thorns. And now the blackberries are coming in, too.

Hell. YES.

time to harvest the gooseberries

and there goes the goddam power again

There has to be an easier way to hate everything.

Power's been out since 1pm today, well before the storm got here. Just saw repair trucks go by. Fingers crossed.

RIP Sen. Robert C. Byrd. But uh-oh, now WV won't get any money.

Bored and wet is never a good combination.

Hooray, thunder storm knocked out the power! Plus I got drenched moving boxes.

I did a few things and bought some stuff.

In Walmart, naturally, saw a 20ish year old guy with a rat tail.

HA!

@ #SecretSandwichSociety w/ Brad & Drew. NOM!

I was actually productive yesterday. It almost looks like I have a bedroom now, as opposed to a bed/living/bath/office. Now to bed.

Today seems like it might a good day for doing something. I prolly won't.

Aw man, naps this time of day are dangerous but I'm sooo sleepy.

Happy Father's Day to all the fellas who are actually dads.

*sigh*

Hooray! Found some fellas to play a good, old fashioned table top RPG. Now I just have to read a rulebook and make a character.

Really, Internet? You don't have a copy of the plain, regular album version of "Something To Do" by Depeche Mode anywhere? Really?

Just got asked if I have any fetishes. My answer: doomsday machines.

Oh wow, that weed killer is really potent.

I am become death, sprayer of weeds!

I need something to do for an hour while my last load of wrinklable clothes go through the dryer.

A conversation I just had with dad

I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of water. Mom and dad were finishing up a late dinner. Mom had dad hemmed in so rather than jostle her around to get out from the table he stands up, holds his hands out to me and says, "Here, throw this away."

All I see is an empty water bottle so I take it, toss it and proceed to get my own bottle. When I turn around he still has his hand out, shaking it. "Well get this, too!" and my years of programming kick in and I go to get whatever it is he's holding. And then I see it a couple of wadded up, dirty napkins.

Me: (snarling in revulsion) UGH! Don't give me damn dirty napkins like that! (I hand him the trash can to put them in himself.)

Dad: Well god damn! Are you too good to pick up a dirty napkin? Get out of my face. What the hell is wrong with you?

Me: I don't like touching nasty, filthy things!

Dad: Well you wipe your ass.

Me: It's my poop. I know where it's been.

Him. You're too finicky.

I left the room. My talks with dad all tend to be like that. What should I get him for Father's Day?

I have sexy new glasses! Or maybe I have new sexy glasses!

Wasp got me on my right middle finger this AM. Didn't swell up, had random chills & muscle spasms for about 3 hours. Still hurts some.

What the fuck is that idiot over the hill shooting at? I hope he gets rained on extra.

Another rainy weekend kills my yard work plans. The super loud frog chorus in the backyard seems to love it.

Hey locals! I have a TV I'm needing to be rid of. Has anybody dealt with any pawn shops in the area?

Dammit! Still no payday in the mail.

Oh. Oh my and damn.

This girl is gorgeous.

This is really nice,

... like nice plus plus. Calling it awesome would make it seem cheesy.

Hayaku: A Time Lapse Journey Through Japan from Brad Kremer on Vimeo.

And she wonders how she ever got here as she goes under again.

Aw, I'm watching young romance blossom. It made my nose bleed. Or maybe an anyurism.

Oh no! Something is wrong with the gooseberries. They're turning red too soon, and then they taste... not right. Calamity!!!

All ist klar, Herr Kommisar?

It's worse than I thought. Karma, goddam karma.

Like sitting on pins and needles, things fall apart. It's scientific.

I think I just saw Uranus!

Shumate & child helped me pick out snazzy frames. Now we're @ Rio Grande :)

Aw, one of my crew gave me a cute li'l birthday cake. Now I have two!

Went to the eye doc. I need somebody to help me pick out frames. For serious.

Alrighty, I just made an awesome CD. The beta home test went well so next we'll see how it plays on the road. I'm so retro.

Birthday cake for me and not you :P

Lets see how the old car likes a new battery.

Why do I always get the urge to unpack boxes and make a huge mess right before bedtime?

Oh dang! I just remembered I have Thai from last night that needs to be eaten.

Thai at Diogi's = NOM!

One day somebody is gonna listen to me. Somebody besides the court appointed therapist.

I wish my gold nipples shot out rainbows

Damn, now I want a lollipop.

#Chuck finale was really good. I hope it gets another season.

Too much to do, and too much to-do.

#LotS (not Lost) finale was decent, a few good twists. Not a bad way to go out overall.

Happy Memorial Day. Thanks soldiers!

at Dr. Nick & Heather's groovy cook out. Stacy Gannon is here!

Just q-tipped the biggest, blackest gob of wax out of my ear. My earwigs must be Satanists. I wonder what they summoned.

Got back to Oak Hell right at 1am.

buh-bye Morgantown

bang bang Maxwell's

holy shit! we ran into Dennis Allen in Kroger's at 2am

Hooray, Todd made it to Morgantown too!

aaaahh, Target.

Why is Euro-Suites decorated like Liberace's Chinese pagoda?

In Morgantown to see Dora & Corey & a special surprise guest (for Dora).

Today was the 1st day in weeks that I ate Big Chain Fast Food for lunch. It's also the 1st day in weeks that I've had raging diarrhea.

Hooray, just got my bass repaired. Battle preparations are under way!

About to try Crest 3D Whitestrips. Aside form some discoloring my teeth are perfect. It constantly confounds my dentist.

I still have the finale and the previous four eps of #LOST to watch so nobody better say anything spoilery.

Back home, great visit, going to bed.

road trippin' to see my pal Todd

lightning bugs!

moneys, i has it!

There's a clam that's been on my mind, all the time. Su-su-pseudopod!

Dammit! No payday in the mail >:(

hrrrmm. I feel a lengthy dark mood coming on.

just finished the Zombie Survival Guide. I need guns. And a bicycle.

Wow, the rain is really coming down hard. I hope it tapers off to a steady drizzle for good sleeping later.

Aw, RIP Ronnie James Dio. I was never a fan but I liked him well enough. I have the sads for my buds who loved him.

*yawn* Went to bed at 11:30 last night, got up today at 1pm. I could have slept more but I needed to pee. I feel better now.

After a fruitless quest for a drive thru open past 2am I dropped my bud brad off at home and then did the same for myself.

I WIN!

MUST win tiki costume contest!

Tiki Ben is in da hizzut!

Yumpin' Yimminy, this job is reeeeally pushing the absurdity curve to new depths.

I just sent my 1st poop text! And this one is the 2nd.

Cell phone question: yip-yip-yip?

I'm in the market for a new cell phone sooner than expected. I was gonna get my car fixed first but my track phone is being problematic for work. Some of my crew members, when they call me it goes right to voice mail. The same thing happens when I call a couple different people, but their calls ring when they call me. You''d think it would be consistent.

Anyways, I've decided that I want one of those Motorola Droids. I've read a bunch of reviews and the only issue I can foresee is the battery doesn't hold a charge very long. The other things people complained about seemed like stuff that won't be an issue since I've never had a real cell phone to hold up as a comparison.

The other thing I discovered is that if i don't wanna order one from Motorola online (and I don't) then I have to get it from a Verizon store with a two year plan to make it $200 instead of $500+. Is that a decent deal? What other things should I be aware of when making my final decision? How can I turn this clip into a ringtone?

Just watched the last two eps of #Fringe: Loved it, and I knew it! But still, holy shit.

Hooray, I have to go to work on a Sunday. And by hooray I mean I'll set a bitch on fire.

Happy Mothers' Day to all the ladies who *didn't* have kids just to get a check.

If we ever find a bar and the DJ has Hot Chip I will dance. You will need a fresh pair of panties. The moves I bust are wicked.

god bless a bar with an internet juke box

Man, this wind is crazy. I like it.

Anybody know if there's a way to upload album artwork into iTunes, like if iTunes can't find it but a Google search does?

All this running and doing interferes with my sitting and not doing.

I'm trying really hard to manage my time properly and have an organized work space. That shit don't play to my strengths.

Oh, and may the 4th be with you.

The day started well with a nice (work related) drive and Sonic Youth cranked up loud. Lets hope it maintains.

So furious right now it's short circuiting my brain. Took me 10 minutes just to decide/recall how to make a post and another 10 to type it.

GAH! Just grabbed hold of a slug in the dark. It had crawled up onto the water hose handle and when I went to give the dogs water...

*gaspity* Mom made a Black & Blue Goose cobbler!

Inconspicuous consumption

I had myself a shopping spree over the past few days. Payday was Thursday so I decided to get some things I've been needing, mainly some new clothes so I can look halfway presentable for work. The main office for the Census is in our local mall so since I had to go over there that evening for work I figured I'd do some shopping, too.

The first stop was Sears. Since I'm not 15 anymore I have no problem with their selection of un-trendy, non-cool name brand clothes. In fact now, that's kind of a bonus. As long as it's made well and will last a long while i'm good. I picked up three pairs of chinos, two different shades of khaki and a nice hunter green. I also got a nicer t-shirt made form heavier material with odd piping accents. The kicker was finding a tank top (not a wife beater) with tikis on it. I wasn't really wowed by the selection of button-up shirts with collars they had so I headed to JC Penney's next. I found three that were cool. I usually have to get my shirts in the Big & Tall section 'cause my gut is the protruding type as opposed the the usual sagger you see on so many. God knows why but you can never find shirts with slimming, vertical stripes in the B&T section. I've noticed the same thing in women's clothes when I've been shopping with mom. This time I got lucky and found several so I was able to choose the two I liked best. And the third shirt was just plain awesome. It's this cool slate green color, if that makes sense, and it has those button flap epaulet things on the shoulders. The instant I saw it I had visions of THIS work safe VIDEO and ran with it right for the check out counter. I've got to get me some skinny ties now! I was looking for some new shoes as well but really didn't see any I liked that were on sale. Oh yeah, all the clothes I bought were on sale. I got all that for $140, which doesn't seem very sale-y compared to Wal-Mart but every time I buy a t-shirt there the seams start to unravel almost immediately. I was happy with what I got for what I paid. After that I went to Waldenbooks and got a new copy of the Serenity graphic novel Those Left Behind 'cause my old copy ended up on somebody else's bookshelf. I up-graded to the hard cover version.

Later that evening I went over to Fayetteville to help a co-worker figure out a few things he wasn't sure about, and after that we went out for a few beers and played pool.

Then Friday night I had dinner at Dirty Ernie's with my co-worker from the night before and treated myself to a nice dinner. This was a rough work week for us. Overall it went pretty smoothly but there were a lot of little things that went horribly wrong. Anyfood, I had the Bracioli filet with a half rack of ribs. Super NOM!

Yesterday was Free Comic Book Day so I picked up the following: The Tick #1, The Del Rey Showcase with excerpts from the graphic novelizations of Pride & Prej & Zombies, The Talisman and a few others, Love And Capes #13 (looks to be a romcom), The Sixth Gun #1 (a creepy supernatural Western), Owly and Friends one shot (all ages fun), Fractured Fables one shot (more all age fun), and a cool one shot flip book with one side being a Mouse Guard story and other being Fraggle Rock. I also picked up Green lantern Corps #47 and Walking Dead vol. 7. Those last two weren't free.

I had to go back over to the Census office today to pick up more crap. I had lunch with a pal (the one from dinner Friday night actually) and we nosed around a bit. I ended up buying another book, Fantasmagoria, An Atlas of Fabulous Creatures, Enchanted Beings, and magical Monsters. It's a fun little book with some nice art. It's mostly based on folklore but it gets modern sometimes like including a pic of Galadriel in the part on Elves, Gandolf and Harry Potter in with wizards and so forth. It was on sale for $8 so I figured, why not? Then we went in FYE and I got a bag of those awesome kiwi gummy candies from Japan. If you have access to a decent international food store you could prolly find them there for at least $2 cheaper.

In between all that I had teach a training class, cut some grass, and put out a fire in the kitchen. Literally. I'm behind on my shows on Hulu and I still have to finish reading my the Zombie Survival Guide. I'm behind on burning CDs for people (I've got them ripped just not burned yet). It's been a busy few days.

Oh. My god. The backyard is full of very loud frogs. Kinda cool but also not. Three distinct kinds, one group sounds like monkeys.

Does anybody use a Gillette Fusion, regular or Power, and if so is it any good?

Hooray! The Zombie Survival Guide and my paycheck both came in the mail today.

Lately I've been noticing that I poop a lot more on Thursdays.

Pretty pretty moon rise, the color of a banana peach mango smoothie.

Soggy toilet paper is like a terrible white trash bidet.

So very sleepy, so very chilly...

Come bleed with us

I saw this video earlier and thought it was kinda cool but also kinda creepy.

Even though squid and octopi have multiple arms they don't seem quite as malevolent as spiders. Maybe it's because they just sort of float along and spiders are very deliberate in their motions. As far as sea creatures go, crabs are much more spidery than octopi. Plus, spiders have all those eyes whereas cephalopods only have two like we do. Maybe it's because I've watched a lot of nature shows and, however creepy they are, cephalopods have been better explained than spiders.



Spiders can kill you when you least expect it. Who knows where the damn things are 'cause they're tiny and hide anywhere. True, not every spider has venom that can kill humans, and some cephalopods have a toxic bite, but I've been bitten by enough non-lethal spiders to be wary of them all. Unless you happen to feel it walking on you, and a lot of times you don't, you have no clue the spider is on you until after it bites. If you really had to you could fuck an octopus up pretty quickly if you don't panic. And I'm not talking about a giant squid. If one of those got ahold of you you'd be dead in seconds. I couldn't find the clip with the computer simulated attack I saw on Discovery once but it was lightning fast.

Way back in the day I went to the movies with my sister and one of her friends to see Tentacles, the squid version of Jaws. It scared me silly. I didn't make it halfway through before I had to call and have my grandma come and get me. I was a timid child. Something about a critter that could come at you from any angle and reach you when you were out of the water didn't sit well with me. Sharks, by my eight year old reasoning, only had one danger zone (the mouth) that could be avoided to some degree, plus you could tell they were coming because they always showed their dorsal fin above water (so I thought). And if you could get out of the water and onto a boat that pussy shark couldn't touch you. I hadn't seen Jaws yet. All bets were off with an octopus or a squid. They could even go on land for a little bit, just long enough to find an unsuspecting redheaded kid on a beach and drag him back to the depths.


Sorry for the lame comments that popped up on the screen. That was the only version I could find.

Maybe because of that movie I made a point to learn more about various non-shark threats in the oceans, and that's why I don't fret over them these days. Granted, if I'm ever scuba-ing around some tropical lagoon and an octopus latches onto my face I'm pretty sure I'll have a freak out similar to the times I've been in musty basements and thought a spider landed on the back of my neck. Not that I'm afraid of spiders, mind you (giant ones notwithstanding), but I am afraid of venomous things biting my neck. Still, all those suckers, the parrot beaks, the ink shooting - cephalopods are fairly creepy. Read these awesome Dinosaur Comics to for another angle on things. The first one is about raccoons, but it's a set-up for later hilarity. And for the record I'm down with raccoons. Also, if you've never read Dinosaur Comics, if you move the cursor over the comic some fun extra text will appear.

nature's most siniter animal

cephalopods: oh my goodness what went wrong

guess who's coming to dinner

nothing you can say will scare me!

block slumber party

come on. dromiceiomimus was most likely already late to the dentist to begin with.

another time where...

I'm not making fun of the devil...
(god speaks in panel 2, the devil speaks in panel 5, the raccoons and cephalopods speak in panel 6)

cakes that are just cake on the inside...

The title of this post is taken from "nothing you can say will scare me!" but you already knew that 'cause you read them all. His old blog about that comic is gone but basically he saw the line "Come bleed with us" on a flier advertising some sort of hippie pagan womens' menstruation club, and that's creepier than any multi-armed creature. Pfft, Canadians. In the future there definitely won't be any Canadians, but there might evolved cephalopods.





And of course, the damn spiders are still around.





I really recommend watching all the clips of that show that you can find. It's some very nice speculative fiction.

Soooo... I think I've exhausted all of my thoughts about squids and their relations. I suppose I could have included some musings on hentai (google it if you don't already know) but that's seems excessive and I have to go to bed soon. I have to start a new training class bright and early and I haven't been able to swing my sleep pattern back around to waking up in the mornings. I prolly won't get much sleep tonight but however much I do get I know it won't include anything like The Dream Of the Fisherman's Wife.

You're welcome :)

Oh man, I'm craving a BLT. Good thing there was bacon left over from breakfast. I hope the L and the T won't be an issue.

Fuckity dang!

I thought I'd be clever and use my 4gig flash drive to transfer files from the lappy to the PC instead of wasting a disc. In that, I was successful. I moved all of my pics, music and movies at once instead of the three or four CD-ROMs it would have used otherwise, and in a fraction of the time. Yay technology! Being my life, though, there were complications.

Downside No. 1) None of the file folders for the pics made the switch for some reason. I now have a ginormous single file full of ever pic I ever took. For the most part the pics are grouped together as if they were still in folders. For example, all the pics from a party are together. I'm guessing it was because most of those kinds of pics were taken with the digital camera and Windows 7 used some bit of info in the file (the original number name given the pic by the camera, or the date it was taken maybe) to organize them. In the case of folders containing pics I took with the digital and my old 35mm it's anybody's guess. In the case of my trip to the Pacific Northwest and a few others they're pretty much all out of order since I scanned the 35mm pics into the old old lappy and they all have some other sort of secret computer naming system going on.

Downside No. 2) None of the names I gave the pics made the switch. For example, what used to be "Ben and Dennis, Bridge Day 2006" is now 572 or whatever. It seems that Windows 7 just assigned them all numbers from 003 to 2661.

Downside No. 3) For some reason - I'm going with a mix of incompetence and deceitfulness - Jesse somehow managed to keep a bunch of pics in a file, or files, I knew nothing about. Nothing gross, just random day to day stuff, a few weekend trips. It's kind of like we do live in the same town and I keep bumping into him even though I go to all new grocery stores and restaurants.

Downside No. 4) I have to do it all over again, re-organizing and renaming the pics; a whole new round of re-deleting pics with Jesse. You know how lazy I am. The deleting is no big deal but all the others will be a chore.

it's not all bad though.

Upside No. 1) A huge majority of the pics are also stored on Photbucket with the exact same folder names. In the case of the PNW trip this is a huge upside.

Upside No. 2) In the pics that Jesse had squirreled away there are lots of pics of me I've never seen before, good pics even. You know how I love to look at myself.

So two sides up and three down. It could be worse. Goddam polyhedrons!

Hmmm, I'm starting to see a few short-comings with #Chrome.

New comics! Joe the Barbarian #s 3 and 4, Brightest Day #0 (why can't they just start with 1 anymore?), Walking Dead TPB vol. 6.

For the past several days I've had the increasingly nagging suspicion that I've forgotten something kinda important.

My new PC presents a whole new set of problems

Don't get me wrong...

The lappy I've been using the past year was a godsend and I'm so SO grateful to my pal Jenn for letting me have it on extended loan. It was more than adequate to do the things I needed to do, i.e. bitch about bloggy nonsense and look at porn. BUT. If I tried to do more than two things at once, say, listen to a streaming radio station while I tried to write or noodled around with a photo editor while I had an IM chat window open, then it would sometimes lock up and always pestered me with constant warnings about the virtual memory being too low.

Now that I have the new PC - my handsome Dino - I can do all of that and more and never get the first warning of any sort. Sometimes I wonder if I might have accidentally turned some safety function off and it's gonna melt down the next time I open a new tab. Until that happens I've been trying to catch up on listening to music I like. Sadly, WOXY.com (my favorite) isn't broadcasting right now 'cause they ran out of $$$ so I've been making due with SomaFM out of San Francisco.

The trouble I'm having now is that I don't want to turn Dino off and go to bed for fear of missing some awesome new song or artist. Plus, it's a connection to the larger world that I crave desperately to be a part of. Not the music industry mind you, but any larger, more diverse area that has music I like on the actual radio and not off the internet or beamed in by satellite to your car. The only place in WV that has that is Morgantown with the college radio stattion, WWVU. They're on the net now too, I believe. And no, even of Jesse didn't live there I have no desire to be there longer than a day or two to visit friends. Living there again would be a huge step back on par with moving back to Oak Hell.

Not that I've ever needed an excuse to stay up late but, for example, I decided to make this silly post so I could justify it and listen to the radio. The first step is admitting you have a problem, and I do that every time I mention this town or gripe about my sister so now you all have to give me money to move an intervention. I wonder if you can pick up any good stations at Passages Malibu?

Never goddam fails: every time there's a meteor shower, or the rare comet, we get a solid week of over cast night skies. Hate. It. Here.

Super regretting my decision to not get a to-go order of sopapillas earlier when I was in Fayetteville.

BWA-Hahaha and also HA!

Mummy! from Lizzy Caplan

Got to hell, flowers, and take your filthy, eye-itchy sex powder blowing all over everything with you.

Hitting the snooze button for 2 hours still counts as getting up when the alarm goes off, right? I had to stand up to do it.

Stoopid allergies, my head is killing me. :(

To quote Dorothy Parker, "I deserve this."

I woke up early - for me - about 9am and fiddled around online. Two of my friends from Charleston, Heather and Nick, decided to visit Fayetteville today and do some hiking and when they got done I was gonna meet them for lunch. The hiking didn't happen but we met up for lunch at Pies & Pints. It's a very yummy place. We had the rosemary and garlic flatbread to start and then a Mediterranean Pie. That was my first time trying goat cheese. It was okay, I didn't hate it but I prolly won't make it a habit either. Oh, and Heather made muffins and brought me a few. SCORE!

After lunch we went over to Beckley and hit Cheap Thrills Records. Today was National Independent Record Store Day so i thought it would be cool to check out. Nick and Heather haven't been in a real record store in ages, because Charleston is lame, so they were psyched. While we were there a local bluegrass band, the Poor Taters, was playing because they were releasing their CD. They were really good, did unexpected stuff like the Beatles "Get Back" and Stray Cats' "Stray Cat Strut". One of my good buddies from high school plays with them sometimes but he was just watching this afternoon. He'll join in when they have their gig over in Fayetteville later tonight.

Anyrockintunes, Heather and Nick made some good purchases and I got Sonic Youth's newest, The Eternal. We also picked up a bunch of free samplers from Astralwerks, Last Gang Records, the Cochella festival, and a mix of awesome Motown, R&B and funk. After all that strenuous cool we moseyed over to a nearby Starbucks for refreshment. It was a chilly afternoon so I had one of those hot apple caramel drinks. After that I took them down to Thurmond 'cause they've never been. It's a funky little ghost town in the middle of some gorgeous nature.

I was planning on hanging out with a new friend tonight but he had to cancel 'cause he's feeling under the weather. It's prolly just allergies but I gotta be cautious after that last flu nearly derailed my job. My allergies have been in high gear the past week. The OTC meds make me wired so I haven't been getting much sleep, plus they kinda do a number on my tummy. And my eyes have been really itchy to boot. It's prolly best if I lay low this evening and get rested up. I'll just stay in and listen to my new tunes and when he's feeling better maybe we can go see Kick Ass. Plus, I had a good visit with another old friend last night at Diogi's so I think I can slow down on the social whirlwind. For now, my cabin fever and wanderlust have been abated.

I'm gonna go have a muffin now.

Tim Gunn + geekery = awesome!

Mom and dad just got back home. Other than being really sore she's okay.

mom just fell on the steps & hit her head pretty bad, EMTs said it didn't seem too serious. they're taking her to get checked out anyway.

Yum! Just had a delicious dinner at Diogi's with the delicious @rellehcim ( @Michelle Seletyn Rodriguez for FB peeps).

Today on As The Stomach Turns: Lisa threatens to have her brother arrested and her father kicks her and her daughters out.

An awesome online purchase

It was waiting to bash me in the head when I got home today.

Farewell forever, dear friends, maybe I die soon. Really.

The current state of high drama in the Aliff household is all over that pit bull pup. This all started well over a month ago. My ex-brother in law is friends with some coke dealer and he took his daughters , my nieces, over there for a visit one day. The pretext was so they could look at his puppies. I knew as soon as they said why they were going over that they'd be bringing a dog home with them. They were warned repeatedly not to by their grandmother. They tried to be sneaky and hide it in the basement but pups don't understand "shhhhh" and the jig was quickly up. The guy who they got it from was able to unload all of the rest of the litter but this one. He used the "if I can't find somebody to take it I'll just kill it" line and they fell for it. The girls tried to sweet talk my parents into letting them keep the pup saying it wasn't a full-blooded pit, it was just a mutt with some pit in it. One look at the thing and you knew instantly what kind of dog it was. If it was a beagle or a hound dog of some sort my parents might have relented but it wasn't and they didn't. My sister wasn't any help, as usual, saying that she had no idea they were going to bring a dog home and that she absolved herself from the situation.

Over the next several weeks my nieces were told repeatedly that they had to get rid of. If they couldn't find somebody to take it then it was going to the pound. Naturally they lied a lot. So-and-so said he would take it but then he'd never show up. Whats-her-face said they could bring it over to her place but then she was never home. And so on and etc. I finally found a number for a local no-kill shelter but they aren't taking any dogs for the time being. I told the girls to call the local vets and see if they had any suggestions, or the pet store over in Beckley. They said yeah, they'd do that but they never did. Even though I didn't want the pup here either I didn't wanna see it put down for no reason if we could find a home for it so I asked around, even posted it on Twitter and FB, but couldn't find any takers. Until Monday.

A guy I work with said he'd like to have it so we made arrangements, he followed me home yesterday and I handed the dog over to him. All hell then proceeded to break lose. Laci, the oldest niece, happened to walk outside just as I was handing the pup over. She ran inside and cussed my dad like a sailor. Lisa, my sister, made some vague threat that I better be prepared to pack my bags as she and Laci stormed off in a huff. I'm not sure where they went but dad was still gracious enough to let them use his truck. Then later Julia, the youngest niece, bounced into my room, cussed me and said that when she fights, she fights hard or something to that effect. I said "alrighty" and she stomped off. I was 95% sure I knew what she and my sister were gonna attempt, and I was right.

Later, my sister demanded that I call the guy who took the dog and have him bring it back, all the while mom is in the background saying that the dog was never to be brought back here. The guy was already at his other job so I couldn't call him even if i wanted to. Lisa then demanded that I give her his number and she better get her dog back. Her dog? The same dog she said she had nothing to do with? Whatever. I didn't give her the number but said I'd giver hers to him. Then this morning as I was getting ready for work Lisa got up and followed me around as I was getting ready, huffing and glaring. I said again that I wasn't gonna giver her his number but I'd give him hers. Apparently he still hasn't called but I'm getting ahead of myself. Mom was up by then and told Lisa that the dog was never to come back here. Well, we'd all just better be prepared to deal with the consequences. I went on to work.

After I'd been at work a few hours I got a voice mail. It was Julia saying that she'd just told my dad I was gay. "I told you I'd fight back!" Okay. Let me digress and offer up some history. Waaay back in 1992, maybe in the Spring but no later than the Summer, I had The Talk with mom and dad at the kitchen table one evening. I was still attempting to be a student at WVU at the time so I was either home for a weekend or holiday, or summer break. Anyout, dad decided that I wasn't really gay, it was just experimenting or going through a phase, or it was because of all the drugs I was on at the time. He's known for a long time. He's been in denial, but he's known. In the years since we've all just decided to let him think whatever and not push the issue for the sake of keeping things calm. I really have meant to fess up on several occasions but Lisa and the girls always seemed to have some new tempest brewing - dad would be angrier and angrier, mom would be sadder and sadder so I never had the heart to add to the mess.

I should have kept the voice mail but hitting delete was a knee jerk reaction as I rolled my eyes. I really do delete all my messages unless it has necessary info so it was force of habit over-ruling better judgment. I wasn't angry, I pretty much saw it coming. I actually had another chance to spill the beans last night. Dad asked me out of the blue if I'd heard from Jesse (my ex), how much longer is gonna be at WVU, how long has be been in living in Morgantown now? Again, if it hadn't been for mom being upset because the girls hate her now I would have explained why I quickly change the subject whenever he asks about Jesse. I put it all out of my mind and focused on work. I do admit I was a tad nervous because dad is fairly homophobic so I wasn't sure what exactly I'd be walking into when I got home.

Mom was sitting ion the carport, dad was going in the door as I pulled up. Mom said that she had to tell me something that i needed to know. I said yeah, I knew, Julia left a message and told me what she'd done. Mom looked confused and asked what did Julia do. I told her and she said she didn't know anything about that but now the guy who used to own the pup, the same guy who said he was gonna kill it, told Lisa that if I didn't bring the dog back I was gonna end up with my head bashed in. Ah, really? I think Lisa dragged him back into it when she was trying to find a home for the dog after i gave it away. No idea why he's suddenly so concerned, though.

I half expected Julia to try and get her boyfriend and one of his pals to attempt something like that, so again, I wasn't too surprised. My sister is prone to blustery threats that never seem to get realized. Then she puts and fumes and holds a grudge forever, waiting for a chance to stick a passive/aggressive knife in your back. Her I'm not worried about. The low-life idiots she tends to surround herself with might actually be a concern. I won't lose sleep over it but I won't take it lightly either. Lisa said that they told her that even though mom had me give the dog away that they wouldn't beat up an old lady. It was all gonna come down on me. Most things usually do when my sister is involved.

But getting back to dad, right after mom told me all of that dad came outside and acted like nothing had happened. I dunno if Julia really did tell him anything or if she was trying to fuck with me. Either way, fail. If she really did say anything she actually did me favor. I don't have to try and find the exact right time to talk to him now. I don't have to worry about how he'll react. No more stress from that issue. And if she didn't say anything then I know what her big, and only, gun is. She's 15. She's certainly sneaky enough but not exactly Bobby Fischer. As for her mother, I've long been of the opinion that it would just be a matter of time before she turned on me like she has most of of our relatives and pretty much every friend she's ever had. Not anticipating that would be like owning a pit bull and then being surprised when it went for your throat.

And really, that's just the tip of the iceberg for the complete and utter mess of things going on here lately. I'm not gonna drag out all the dirty laundry but believe me when I say clusterfuck doesn't even begin to cover it. Well, I won't write it all out longform on here. I'd still be typing this tome tomorrow night. But, if you'd like to hear all about it I'm available for weddings and bar mitzvahs. Unless I get my head bashed in sometime soon.