the tuna ain't the only thing that melted

So two of the four burners on our stove aren't working properly. The two on the left. When you turn one on sparks fly and both burners get hot. Dad has been "worked" on them twice in the past few months. Just a few minutes ago I was making tuna salad for sammiches. I dropped a can, it hit one of the left burners and sparks flew.

Me: (to dad, in another room) These burners just sparked and I didn't turn them on!

Dad: Did you turn them on?

Me: ...No. I dropped a tuna can on it and sparks flew.

Dad: Well I don't know. What did you do?

Me: ... Making tuna salad. I dropped a can, it hit a burner, sparks flew.

Dad: I don't know. Do it again and tell me what happens.

Me: (for a microsplitsecond started to follow orders)... NO!

Sometimes I wished I lived a more adventurous life - jumping out of airplanes, kayaking in the Amazon, dating people who don't put out on the first date - but then I realized that I take my life in my own hands every day in this house.