Monday, April 26, 2010

Come bleed with us

I saw this video earlier and thought it was kinda cool but also kinda creepy.




Even though squid and octopi have multiple arms they don't seem quite as malevolent as spiders. Maybe it's because they just sort of float along and spiders are very deliberate in their motions. As far as sea creatures go, crabs are much more spidery than octopi. Plus, spiders have all those eyes whereas cephalopods only have two like we do. Maybe it's because I've watched a lot of nature shows and, however creepy they are, cephalopods have been better explained than spiders.



Spiders can kill you when you least expect it. Who knows where the damn things are 'cause they're tiny and hide anywhere. True, not every spider has venom that can kill humans, and some cephalopods have a toxic bite, but I've been bitten by enough non-lethal spiders to be wary of them all. Unless you happen to feel it walking on you, and a lot of times you don't, you have no clue the spider is on you until after it bites. If you really had to you could fuck an octopus up pretty quickly if you don't panic. And I'm not talking about a giant squid. If one of those got ahold of you you'd be dead in seconds. I couldn't find the clip with the computer simulated attack I saw on Discovery once but it was lightning fast.

Way back in the day I went to the movies with my sister and one of her friends to see Tentacles, the squid version of Jaws. It scared me silly. I didn't make it halfway through before I had to call and have my grandma come and get me. I was a timid child. Something about a critter that could come at you from any angle and reach you when you were out of the water didn't sit well with me. Sharks, by my eight year old reasoning, only had one danger zone (the mouth) that could be avoided to some degree, plus you could tell they were coming because they always showed their dorsal fin above water (so I thought). And if you could get out of the water and onto a boat that pussy shark couldn't touch you. I hadn't seen Jaws yet. All bets were off with an octopus or a squid. They could even go on land for a little bit, just long enough to find an unsuspecting redheaded kid on a beach and drag him back to the depths.


Sorry for the lame comments that popped up on the screen. That was the only version I could find.

Maybe because of that movie I made a point to learn more about various non-shark threats in the oceans, and that's why I don't fret over them these days. Granted, if I'm ever scuba-ing around some tropical lagoon and an octopus latches onto my face I'm pretty sure I'll have a freak out similar to the times I've been in musty basements and thought a spider landed on the back of my neck. Not that I'm afraid of spiders, mind you (giant ones notwithstanding), but I am afraid of venomous things biting my neck. Still, all those suckers, the parrot beaks, the ink shooting - cephalopods are fairly creepy. Read these awesome Dinosaur Comics to for another angle on things. The first one is about raccoons, but it's a set-up for later hilarity. And for the record I'm down with raccoons. Also, if you've never read Dinosaur Comics, if you move the cursor over the comic some fun extra text will appear.

nature's most siniter animal

cephalopods: oh my goodness what went wrong

guess who's coming to dinner

nothing you can say will scare me!

block slumber party

come on. dromiceiomimus was most likely already late to the dentist to begin with.

another time where...

I'm not making fun of the devil...
(god speaks in panel 2, the devil speaks in panel 5, the raccoons and cephalopods speak in panel 6)

cakes that are just cake on the inside...

The title of this post is taken from "nothing you can say will scare me!" but you already knew that 'cause you read them all. His old blog about that comic is gone but basically he saw the line "Come bleed with us" on a flier advertising some sort of hippie pagan womens' menstruation club, and that's creepier than any multi-armed creature. Pfft, Canadians. In the future there definitely won't be any Canadians, but there might evolved cephalopods.





And of course, the damn spiders are still around.





I really recommend watching all the clips of that show that you can find. It's some very nice speculative fiction.

Soooo... I think I've exhausted all of my thoughts about squids and their relations. I suppose I could have included some musings on hentai (google it if you don't already know) but that's seems excessive and I have to go to bed soon. I have to start a new training class bright and early and I haven't been able to swing my sleep pattern back around to waking up in the mornings. I prolly won't get much sleep tonight but however much I do get I know it won't include anything like The Dream Of the Fisherman's Wife.

You're welcome :)

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